Amazing

Well I started out down a dirty road


Started out all alone


And the sun went down as I crossed the hill


Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I started out for God knows where
But I guess Ill know when I get there



Im learning to fly but I aint got wings
Comin down is the hardest thing

Truth be told, inside, I've had a lot of guilt since I dropped out of Kanza. I knew it was the right thing to do, but me, well I'm my own worst enemy. Yesterday I had to get out and ride - so I told my wife I'm headin' out, and I'll be back in a couple hours. "I'll just ride downtown and back", or "I'll do some laps on the bike path". "Maybe I'll head out to Walton". Next thing I knew I was veering on to gravel, smiling, sweating and loving every second. When I got closer to town I turned away, and headed further out. The roads got steeper, tougher, rougher and the smile got bigger.

Those hills, they're something else, but every time you go up one you can catch your breath and say inside "yeah, i just kicked that hill's ass". And that's just bueno. Simply put, today's ride where I visited downtown Lincoln, downtown Walton, and waved at Bennett as I turned home - it was exactly what I needed but never knew I needed.

Some amazing things have happened the past several weeks, and something else amazing in the works (MG, seriously, thank you - I'm honored). I'm going to write about it all, but I've got to sit back and digest it all first. My week off, it starts now, and oh man there's goona be a lot of riding in store. And blogging. And smiles.

One point today while I was griding up a particularly beastly hill, with the sun beating down on me, the awful PowerBar Gel (the only bad part of today's ride) gurgling in my stomach I thought "is this really better than my life was before?" Then I thoought aboout even the best day being 567 pounds, even the brightest part. Simple answer: no.

Some days you ride and it's tough. Some days you ride and it's good. And some days it's downright spiritual. Today was one of those... just.. damn.

Lemons: 1 Me: 0

Today's post was going to be awesome, you see, as yesterday we had an awesome gravel grinderI mean, you know, on an awesome scale of 1-10 I'm pretty sure we dialed it up to 11. Great group, laughs, toughness of wind and hills and 30 psi tires and first metric of the year.. yeah. 11. But that has to wait until tomorrow, or maybe the next day.

Above, it's hard to tell, is a Turdus Tire. See the smooth surface? It's not supposed to be like that. And the cracking/peeling? Not supposed to be like that either. It's supposed to have tread, lots of it, but that apparently isn't on the books today. That all really doesn't matter, what does matter is that it sealed the deal: I'm pulling out of the Dirty Kanza 200.

That was really hard to type.

Truth be told I'd basically made my mind up last night. As a family, we've gotten hit pretty hard lately with stuff in the "unexpected expenses" category. Van decided it no longer liked it's transmission about a month ago. Unexpected trip well out of town for my wife. Now, of course, this.

It's a real letdown on more levels than one, espescially considering yesterday really went dang well. I'm going to make something of it, definitely will get a nice gravel grinder in that day, and definitely am still in for GLGA.

It's also a real letdown knowing how many people were looking - from the outside - at this. To the Kansas Guys, commenters on this blog, Cycle Works guys, and all those who send support: Thank You. I'm not done cycling, this event just isn't in the works. My wife and I have already begun thinking/planning for Dk200/2010 but we'll see what happens in January.

Also, if you know someone who'd like a DK spot, I'm giving mine up for free*.

The asterisk means: 1.) you gotta actually ride it, 2.) You can't be a douchebag, and 3.) You gotta smile during it. If you, or someone you know fits these criteria and wants to ride Kanza, shoot an email to bdinger at gmail.com, and I'll somehow pass it on to the race folks. I also have a hotel reservation I'm going to cancel this week, unless someone wants it - it's on the inside of the Guesthouse Inn (Where DK is starting) - but you gotta pay for your own room, amigo.

Really, I hope there's some lemonade to be made here, and I know there is, I just gotta work to find it.

Bike to work week part II

Today I woke up - late - at 7:15. Generally this means I scramble around and drive to work, and am "off" the rest of the day. Today I ambled around getting ready like usual and got on the bike. I didn't even take the short route - I didn't feel like it. I didn't put it in a tough gear, at all, just spun. And I got to work at 8:10.

It was liberating in ways I can't summarize into words, but the smile on my face as I sit here in my cycling clothes at my desk probably gives it away.

In the future, note to self, it's never "too late to ride". You just think it's too late to ride.

Life is good. More good when I ride my bike. I've GOT to remember that.

p.s. Dear "Kansas Guys" - Thank You. That definitely significantly helped one of my big Kanza problems, and cool to see someone actually reads this thing. Hope to meet you, whoever you are, in a couple weeks.

Bike to work week

Of course, to honor it, I drove to work today. :)

Really, though, on Tuesdays and Thursdays I set up my "out of the office" appointments, and generally I just leave the Great White Turdus at work all week instead of driving in. This week there's some work I need to do to the Great White Turd(us) to get it in better running order, along with removal of some electronics and replacement of factory Ford electronics, so I can just leave it at work all the time. Truth be told, that'd be better all around, and would again eliminate the crutch of having it at home. Or maybe I'll do something different. Who knows.

What I do know, however, is that I can't summarize how good commuting via bike makes me feel. Menatlly, physically, just all over I'm positively affected by commuting via bicycle as opposed to vehicle. Today I'm off, find it hard to concentrate, my positive mood is eroding, my mellow harsh. Your results, of course, may vary but for me that's just how it is.

I guess, you know, I could be driving that thing. It even had a "fartpipe". I was really impressed, but wondered - seriously - about the sanity of the driver. I mean come on now.

Tomorrow I shall ride, Thursday I shall drive. There's a lot of things on my mind right now that I can't summarize.. maybe I'll go ride tonight to clear 'em up. I know after a nice ride everything just seems more.. real.

Ride your bike, it's good for your head.

Aerotech Designs Shorts - my review

Otherwise known as "HAPPY NEW BIKE SHORTS DAY!!" Or.. "HAPPY TMI DAY!" Or... I'll stop there.

Here's the deal: if you are a cyclist, you realize the benefit of padded lycra shorts for riding. Enough so that you're probably willing to sacrifice dignity - in my case I write it off to "psh, I'm married already, they can eat their hearts out" - in the name of pure cycling comfort. However, if you are a big fella/lady your options can be a bit limited - that's where aerotech designs (DOT COM) comes in to play.

Three years ago shortly after I started cycling someone on the Internet turned me their way as I was seeking a way to ease my (somewhat extreme) discomfort. I ordered the "Pro Bike Short" in 5XL, and in the mail came the "Top Shelf Bike Short" as apparently at the time they were way backordered on the Pro but someone there forgot to take it off their website so they honored the order and sent me something that cost twice as much. You can see now this is going to be more of a love story than a review, right?

Anyway, here's the deal, I've ridden those shorts through everything for the past three years. For the past three years they are the only pair of cycling shorts I've owned that I've ridden more than 10 miles. I'll note, for the record, I did warn about TMI at the outset of this thing so kissamahass. See I'm one of those who likes to buy something quality, then use it up until the point it has nothing left to give. In this case, they still have something left, I just bought another pair because: a.) they're getting comically too big for me (yes, lycra CAN get "too big", not kidding), b.) I'd like to not have to do laundry every night.

There's my review. I've ridden one pair of cycling shorts on all kinds of bikes, over all kinds of terrain, and well over 10,000 miles in the past three years. Never once have they been a source of discomfort, in fact they alleviated some serious issues I was having with skivvies and gym shorts before switching. I've used them as a liner for pants/other shorts, and ridden them on their own. As long as you wash them after every use, they'll provide bacteria-free padded gloriousness. Pair them with a Brooks and you have cycling Nirvana. Seriously.

Anyway, can you see I can't say enough good? But in reality, here's the deal, being a bigger folk and riding a bicycle you are at a lack of.. everything. Clothing being a big (no pun intended.. kinda) one, and when you do find stuff it can be lacking in quality (I had a brief stint with some Nashbar shorts, never again. Ever.), or sized really really wrong (helloooo Pearl Izumi). These are neither of those, my only reccomendation on 'em is to pick the size that is about 4 inches smaller than your waist size. You'll be happy. I am. If they weren't 80 bones a pair (which in the grand scheme of cycling shorts isn't so bad), I'd probably have a dozen pair.

Or, you know, more than one.

:)

Kanza

It's 23 days away, and to be honest, I'm in a quandary. I'm 40 pounds away from the weight that I "easily" thought I'd be at on that day. This week, my "hell week", I'm at work due to a workload that just won't quit. My base miles have sucked, well I mean, they've been great but nothing compared to what I need. Essentially, mentally, I'm nowhere near prepared. Physically I could probably pull it off, but if my mind isn't there.. it's all over.

So here are my options:

1.) Destroy myself for the next 20 days and hope it's enough, then go to Kansas and give it my best. Hope that life and work don't throw any more curveballs so I can actually destroy myself.

2.) Don't even try it. Realize that epic failure will really screw up my thoughts for any future ones.

3.) Go for 100 miles, and give that my all. This is pretty much 2 with a consolation to my ego.

4.) Lean back, say "screw it", and give it my best shot. Don't sweat training - it's too late for any real impact anyway - and just give it everything I've got.

Right now 2 and 4 are the options I'm most seriously considering. However, here's the problem with 'em. This is 200 flippin' miles of gravel in the middle of nowhere, not a ride out to Cortland, it's not really to be toyed with. If I screw up out there, or the Leg Cramps From Hell's Own Heart come back, it's on me.

Thing about 2 is, I can lick my wounds, learn from my (ample, abundant, constant) mistakes from this winter/spring and really put effort toward the 2009 GLGA AWESOMENESS and really finishing this life change.

Other part of me goes well hell, you've done a great job getting this far by avoiding the real tough stuff so either keep putting it off, or man the hell up and ride. There's always going to be excuses. There's always going to be something in the way. But if.. just if.. I man up and finish the thing it will erase the need to lick those wounds. It will just wipe 'em the hell away, and really bring about the Next Level I've been working so hard for.

See.. my wife said something that snapped me out of it. Do you watch the Biggest Loser? I think I've vented about it once or twice but the last episode.. man. Let me put it this way, it takes a whole hell of a lot for a show to tear me up - and I can't recall "reality" TV ever doing it - but the last ep sure did. Ron - aka the Godfather - dug deeper than.. anything I've seen and finished a marathon. With a cane. And a bad knee. And EMT's telling him to stop. Walking for 13 hours he did it.

The more I type, the more I know my mind is already made up.