I just realized that it's been now over a month since I've been on a bike. It's been over a month since I've been on the bike! I'd have to look back to confirm, but I'm pretty sure that since I've started this journey that's - by far - the longest stretch I've gone without even getting a recreational ride in. It's not driving me crazy. At all.
Let's face it, this winter has sucked. First Lincoln got hit with snow in volumes that I've not seen in my lifetime, then the cold to keep it here. That's cool, but I was unprepared bike wise - until the Nokians showed up. Put off putting them off for a week due to the craziness of Christmas. The day after I put 'em on.. my back screws up.
Last night my wife and I went on an impromptu date night, and whilst walking to Barnes and Noble from another store after dinner I went from feeling just normal to, well, by the time I was in B&N I needed to sit down as the whole front of my knee was completely numb. Not just that, another complication has emerged - my thigh muscle is completely devoid of any "power". Muscle flexes, looks like it's working, but there's just nothing there - I'm dragging around dead weight.
My PT says it's due to the inflamed disc pressing differently on the nerve - it's good that the pain is gone but obviously not so good that this is going on. It's not like we walked a couple miles either, more like 2 - at the most 3 - blocks. Still no bike for me, they want to consistently build space between the nerve and the disc and for now whilst the bike won't hurt, when I go back to a normal position that disc is goona bulge and start pressing on stuff.
So I'm stuck not being able to do, well, anything and really not knowing when I can. I'm almost completely off the medication and as far as I'm concerned, that's the last damn time I take any. I can't stand meds to begin with, and this has just furthered it. Prednisone made a world of difference in my back, but threw my moods off and make me puff up overnight. The Hydrocodone sure made my back feel great, but it was like being in a sea of fog. Skelaxin, I'm not sure what you did - but you DID make me loopy as heck and drool on myself.
What's next? I'm not sure. Lots of scenarios are running through my head, for the first time last night I seriously considered - in my head - what would happen if I couldn't ride again. Unfortunately after much consideration, that's not an option. I then considered the pit of self pity that I've been building on lately and realized that damn, it's gotten pretty deep. Really deep.
So now, what's next? I'm focusing on ancillary factors that are negatively impacting my life. Lookit that, it's almost a big person sentence! Anyway - I'm focusing this morning on what needs to be done so that when I do get back on the bike I can feel like I accomplished something as those first pedal strokes feel like I'm going uphill against a 50mph headwind. Maybe it's not building up miles, speed, endurance or even losing weight, but at least it's something positive that can be taken during a time where I just can't do anything.
Most of all, though, I'm formulating a plan of life in which something like this never, ever happens again.
4 comments:
Hey Ben, It's Guitar Ted. I met you on the GLGA last September riding with Oli Banta.
Man! I don't know what to write exactly, but I want you to know that I believe you are going to work through this. There HAS to be a way for you to get back on the bike some how, some way.
I see a glimpse of a positive attitude and hope in your post today and I just want to encourage you. I am going to have you on my mind and will be praying for your full recovery.
Take care Ben! I am sure we'll be turning cranks on some dusty gravel road somewhere someday.
Stick with it, Ben. It takes time, but physical therapy works.
Ben
As with my previous post I forgot to mention the one thing that my wife can do after the disk surgery and the arthritis part of it is she can still cycle. max distance for her though is 30-60 miles due to it but even when they told her no more raquet ball, basketball, rock climbing or running they said cycling was ok. I hope you dont have to get part of disk removed but I would really keep an eye on the leg, the more you talk about it the more it parallels Jens leg (as it advanced she had issues with numbness and weakness in her left leg).
Steve
GT - Thanks amigo! Great to see you around, and don't worry - it appears I've broken past the stage of question and am now in the "almost healed" stage. That's enough to make me go "let's rock it" and "pass the bike" :). Without doubt we will cross paths in 2010, and darn sure hope it's on a long gravel road.
db - I'm convinced you are absolutely correct. Progress was slow, but now - now it's been jumping off into Rockin'. Can't wait to spin the cranks again, but I'm giving it Time.
Stephen - Thanks for all the insight, seriously, especially this. It's good to know that even if the worst happens, the bike is still in. Heck, if I can ride 10 miles, well, right now I'd be good with that :). Wish your wife well for me, and pass on my respect - back issues, well, they're the worst.
Post a Comment